7:30 AM
Crap, I'm running late. This seems to be the trend this week. I did so great in weeks 1 & 2. Too bad Week 3 is reminiscent of my freshman year college. I would try so hard to get to class on time. However, each morning the hangover was worse than the day before. I found myself cutting out wearing make-up first and then showers next. Thank God that was the year Febreeze came out. I would wear sweats or PJ bottoms to class and times I (cringe) would even forgo brushing my teeth. I figured the ever so classy grocery store brand vodka and Natty Light was enough to keep the bacteria out.
Well, I haven't gone to that extreme yet, but is sure feels like I'm getting to work later and later. I kiss Baby Girl good-bye, run out the door in my smokin' leopard print dress and black pumps (ok, so the dress is still maternity...). Shit...MJ has me blocked in. I run back in and tell him I'm taking his car and he tells me it needs gas.
I peel out of the driveway and start to jam to Ke$ha's song "Tik Tok." MJ's car is much cooler than mine, so I check the gas gage doo-hicky to see how many miles I have left in the tank. 55, Sweet! I enter the highway of death and SCREECH. Standstill. Okay, I still have 40 some odd miles left, we can do this. I'm playing w/ the car's gadgets and watching the guy in front of me run a pick through his hair like it's 1988, when I hear "ding ding!" The low fuel light comes on. I go to check how many miles I have left when that feature is no longer available due to the gas light. I make like Frogger and hop across 4 lanes to exit in a neighborhood I'm not real familiar with. I mean, I grew up on the East side of the city as a small child, so I should be OK, right?
Well, apparently I've had one too many grey goose martini's in the past and have erased my childhood memories of navigating. I go to get back on the highway and there is no on-ramp. Ok...let's just drive a little ways down the street. Hmmm...looks familiar...let's turn right. OK, I recognize some of this...Oh, here's an on-ramp. I turn onto the highway and realize I'm on the wrong f-ing highway! I'm headed into the big city, Son of a-OK, I can do this. I'll just grab my blackberry and use my GPS. My blackberry's battery is dead. Ok, I'll just charge it. Shit! My charger is in my car and I'm in MJ's. OK breathe deep. Navigation...I can do this.
I get off at the closest exit and turn right on this residential road. Shouldn't some of this look familiar? Damn you vodka in my early 20's, damn you. As I'm driving down the street I'm starting to notice some bars on the windows of some local establishments. That's always a comforting sign...I look to my right and see the name of a hair salon called "Pooky Goo's." Where the hell am I? As I continue to drive I'm getting myself deeper in the heart of the inner city. At this moment, I'm so glad I have platinum blonde hair and am wearing an eye sore leopard print dress. No that driving my suburban mom SUV wasn't sign enough that I didn't fit in. I'm starting to get nervous-not because of where I am mind you, the inner city doesn't bother me-but because of how late I'm going to be to work. I can't even call my boss to let him know. I finally find a cross street with a name that I recognize. Hallelujah! 9 million stop lights and 100 bus stops later, I make it to work over an hour late. Luckily, my boss isn't even in today!
10 AM
After a much needed Starbucks run, I start my day. I call out to some of my clients and do my job. My clients ask about Baby Girl and how I'm doing being back at work. I want to tell them, "I wish I was at home with her and not talking to you, Billy Bob", but I refrain. Most of my clients are based in the deep south, so my days tend to be interesting. Today does not disappoint. I have one client tell me about how she nursed her babies and"always had leaky boobs." How's that for relating, Mr. Boss? I should have said "Funny! Mine are leaking right now too!"
Noon
I run to Nordstrom to have my D&G sunglasses fixed. I find it ironic that my real ones break and my faux would survive just about anything. I'm so happy to have them back. I walk out of Nordstrom, go to put them on, and find that it's snowing. Figures. I put my sunglasses back in their case and tell them I'll hopefully see them soon.
5:00
I rush out to MJ's car. I stealthily parked in the visitor spots since I'm not in my own car and they'll never know. I tear down the street to the highway of death. I'm in a rush because the painter is coming to give us a quote on our master bath. I make it a few miles down the road when it's yet another standstill. It's classic NE Ohio. As soon as there is the slightest change in element, everyone forgets how to drive. I call MJ to let him know I won't be home in time.
I sit in the traffic and reflect on my day. I need to get my act together next week. Or else I'm going to need to change my name to "The Blonde Scatter-brained Working Mom." At least I have Baby Girl waiting for me at home!
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